Day 179: Reverend Marty’s Sermon On The Unholy Evils Of Bob Log III

originally published June 27, 2012 Ladies and gentlemen of the congregation, please be seated. I am here to talk to you today about your children. About what your children are listening to. Are you aware that right now, at this very moment, your young, precious angels may be under the spell of the blasphemous infestation […]

Day 169: A Father’s Day Quiz – Food Corporate Mascots

originally published June 17, 2012 As a Father’s Day treat, I’m going to change things up for today. Instead of my usual kilograph on the quirks and weirdnesses of pop culture and history, I’m offering up a quiz. The following questions all pertain to fictional characters who at one time shilled food products. Some of […]

Day 146: My First PK Party

originally published May 25, 2012 I attended my first PK party last week. I was thrilled to get the invite – it had been a three-month dry spell in my social schedule, ever since that unfortunate misunderstanding at Tony Pezsnecker’s key party. Honestly, the invitations should have been more clear, and once again, I am […]

Day 128: Sex-Ed, Taught By A Teacher Who Doesn’t Want To Be There

originally published May 7, 2012 Hello everyone. Mr. Villanova had to run out due to a personal emergency, and I’ve been asked to fill in for today’s lecture on… human sexuality. I’m going to be up front with you kids – I don’t feel comfortable talking about this subject. Please don’t laugh, don’t even giggle. […]

Day 125: Nine Shakespearean Sonnets About Immortality In Fiction

originally published May 4, 2012 In honor of reaching the 1/8th benchmark of what I’ve come to call “My Bat-Shit Crazy Project”, I felt I should contemplate a larger issue – something beyond stacking chairs and arctic wastelands. Yes, even something beyond bacon. Luckily, Ms. Wiki bestowed upon me the gift of Immortality. Well, the […]

Day 120: The Bog Turtle, As Taught By A Biology Teacher Who Recently Learned That His Girlfriend Has Been Cheating On Him

originally published April 29, 2012 Everybody here? No? I don’t care, we’re starting this lecture. Today we’re talking about the bog turtle. On our field trip to the Bronx Zoo last week we saw these little things, remember? Remember those little bastards just sitting beside those stupid little rocks like they didn’t have a care […]

Day 113: The Rogue Ale Experiment

originally published April 22, 2012 Today’s article is brought to you by the good people at the Rogue brewery. Today, as I write this, I am sampling their “Voodoo Doughnut” product, a bacon maple ale. That’s right, I like a little bacon flavor in my beer. Those of you who read my love letter to […]

Day 102: A Love Letter To Bacon

originally published April 11, 2012 I have written about a lot of subjects this year. 101, though if you count the hundred topics from two days ago and the dozens I scraped up for my haiku experiment, the number is closer to 300. Some subjects (the 1715 Jacobite Uprising, the Subservient Chicken) I have been […]

Day 100: 100 x 10

originally published April 9, 2012 Every day I try to sum up some great concept (like stacking plastic chairs) in a thousand words. Today, in honor of my one hundredth consecutive day of stretching my fingers at the whim of Lady Wiki, I am trying something different. 100 subjects, each summed up in exactly ten […]

Day 87: Guidance Counselor Diaries: Traffic Psychology

originally published March 27, 2012 Hello there. And you are…? Ah yes, Oswaldo Bodfish. Thank you for coming to see me today. I know, I know, a trip to your high school guidance counselor isn’t exactly as much fun as “playing the pinballs” or “rockin’ out to Queensryche”, like I know you kids love to […]