originally published April 9, 2012
Every day I try to sum up some great concept (like stacking plastic chairs) in a thousand words. Today, in honor of my one hundredth consecutive day of stretching my fingers at the whim of Lady Wiki, I am trying something different. 100 subjects, each summed up in exactly ten words.
1. Sam Pereira, a poet, lived in Fresno. Has a blog.
2. Binyamin Lau, an Israeli rabbi. Lectures on halakha. No blog.
3. While in Azerbaijan, don’t smoke Acer Velutinum. Just a tree.
4. Bouaké (not Bukkake) is a city in the Ivory Coast.
5. Bruskowo Wielkie, Poland, once part of Germany. Suck it, Nazis.
6. Duty Entitlement Pass Book is an export incentive scheme. Huh?
7. Healthcare-associated pneumonia: when visiting the hospital fucking kills you.
8. Italian film about suffering Ethiopian refugees. Not a delightful romp.
9. Best British Chemist Under 32 award. Why 32? Who knows?
10. Gharti: a Nepalese politician. Heh. Nepalese sounds like Nipple-ease.
11. Bogside, Northern Ireland. Shit went down here. Sunday bloody Sunday.
12. Air Canada fire. They land. Doors open. Then 23 die.
13. Jim Leis, 1980s rugby player. Really? He gets a page?
14. World Institute for Nuclear Security. Not dead yet? WINS wins!
15. 1978 Indian film, remake of a 1977 Indian film. Really.
16. Buddy Gremp, Boston Braves: 1940-1942. Hit three home runs.
17. Cardiac surgeon, saved Don Ho. Developed a stem cell spray.
18. Palais Kinsky, great Austrian palace. Now just an auction house.
19. Second busiest helicopter base in the world. Muir, in Pennsylvania.
20. Sarahsville, Ohio has 198 people, all named Al. Not really.
21. Bobrinsky family founded Russian sugar industry. Mixes well with vodka.
22. La Cavelerie: French commune. Destination for tourists who like farms.
23. Rock album, 1994. Track one is called “Jacking the Ball.”
24. Another French commune? Come on, Wikipedia. Try a little harder.
25. Demon-headed volcano ravens? Not that exciting. A Kabbalah thing.
26. Why name mountains in Greenland? Who cares about Greenlandic mountains?
27. Major Sir Hugh Charles Patrick Joseph Fraser, MBE. Too long!
28. Sivagalai men, “they are being as formers.” What the hell?
29. Ukranians elected communists in 1994? Really? They hadn’t learned yet?
30. Nikita Khrushchev. Not that one. His grandson, a Russian journalist.
31. The Sunday Comics on Fox. Standup sensation? Nope. Nobody watched.
32. DAMS French Indy-car racing team. Lots of turning left.
33. Conde Nast, luxury travel magazine. Loads of lovely unaffordable places.
34. IPSS: Complicated modem jargon I can’t even pretend to understand.
35. Kangru refers to three Estonian villages. Not a misspelled marsupial.
36. Dutch National Aerospace Laboratory, translates to Nationaal Lucht-en Ruimtevaartlaboratorium. Jesus!
37. Viscount falls for Christie Johnstone in steamy, sexy 1853 novel.
38. Huai Sai is a tambon (subdistrict). That’s ‘tambon’, not ‘tampon’.
39. Zaandam, near Amsterdam. First European McDonalds appeared there, 1971. Alakazam!
40. 1860 China photographer. Took ill, left early. That’s his legacy.
41. Babu Parmanand, governor of Haryana, India. Not the Seinfeld guy.
42. Grisly British musical grosses people out – closes after 23 performances.
43. Andrew Law, British prime minster. His middle name was ‘Bonar’.
44. Virtual touch screen, like on CSI: Miami. Great for porn.
45. Silesian Voivodeship: an intergalactic battlecruiser… no wait, a Polish province.
46. Running angle is this: Understand? Don’t worry, neither do I.
47. You can see exactly what NJ teachers make? Seriously! Here!
48. Jeff “Niner” “Mr. Marlin” “The Barbarian” Conine. Baseballer, nickname collector.
49. Thematic Interpretation in ten words? Not a freakin’ chance, dude.
50. Seldom Seen Roadhouse in rural Australia. Burnt down. Well named.
INTERMISSION: I think, when I do this again for post #200, I’m going to up the difficulty by making each entry a reference to Batman. Or Tom Poston.
51. The Incredible Hulk Returns – Bixby directs, Ferrigno’s bad hair day.
52. Donskoy, Russian hairless cat. Looks like a meowing internal organ.
53. Wübke, German Luftwaffe fighter pilot. Died in postwar plane crash.
54. Football club started by man named Borg. Resistance is futile.
55. Morning Glory – rare cloud formations. Look like fluffy coke lines.
56. Taiwanese moth. Swat it, it probably carries some gruesome disease.
57. Cerastocytin: a serine protease. No teasing, this is snake venom.
58. Landmark Supreme Court case moves Oklahoma capital out of Guthrie.
59. Indigo Bunting is a monogamous bird, but still sometimes cheats.
60. Joined Swedish army at fourteen, Cronstedt became a Lieutenant-General.
61. Ten glaciers in Glacier National Park. 28 listed as defunct.
62. 1970 Logie Awards for Australian TV. Hosted by Marcus Welby.
63. Electra Bicycle Company. Like the Copenhagen Wheel (for Weeds fans.)
64. Öscar García, sprint canoer. Competed in one Olympics, won nothing.
65. Springsteen’s post-9/11 ruminations. Back when rock albums topped charts.
66. Museum of Comparative Anthropogeny: crappy place to take your kids.
67. Martin Gary, Confederate soldier. Lawyer. Racist. Seriously, fuck this guy.
68. Mickey Kydes, soccer player. Not ‘football’, he comes from Connecticut.
69. Pterotyphis fimbriatus, a gastropod mollusk. Responds to the name “Kevin”.
70. Designer Jimmy Hsieh. How do you pronounce that? Hss-ay? Hss-yeh?
71. World Technology Awards – Linux creator won, so did Youtube guy.
72. Parmalim follows Malim religion. No pork, yes turbans, hooray God.
73. Hip hop duo incorporates Star Wars lyrics, therefore they’re awesome.
74. Antarctic mountain ridge. No one visits, but it gets named.
75. Maximizing profit: more math than just “sell more, make more.”
76. Internet radio show, to impressive syndication. Cool with a K.
77. Military Operations Research Society. Must hire for next muffin assault.
78. September 30, International Translation Day, always overshadows my birthday, dammit.
79. Knipper Theatre. The Second City of 1770’s Germany. But opera.
80. Wheat headblight disease is no laughing matter. Ask your doctor.
81. J-Pop Girl-Group “Morning Musume” has three box sets?
82. Izhmorsky District is an administrative district. It’s an admizhmorskistrative district.
83. From hobo to officer to magnate. Knows who killed Kennedy.
84. Orikaka River flows in New Zealand’s south island. Heh. Kaka.
85. June King McFee: Professor Emeritus. Great hip hop name, though.
86. Tamil-language remake of Cellular, but disappointingly way too Basingerless.
87. Part pointillist, part Pont Aven school. If you understand, congrats.
88. Remember Xylpth from Green Lantern #2-151? No? Nobody does.
89. Something beat City of God at Independent Spirit Awards? Seriously?
90. Bert Kinner designed early aircrafts. Wore a Buster Keaton hat.
91. 1965 Kansas Wildcats lost every game. That had to hurt.
92. Trochoidea Betulonensis is not a communicable disease. It’s a gastropod.
93. Okay, three French communes in just 93 clicks? Really, Wikipedia?
94. Polynucleobacter-1 RNA Motif is I don’t know these words.
95. Manly Dam Reserve. Back off! It’s the Manly Dam Reserve.
96. Norman Architecture would be a great church architectural firm’s name.
97. “The history of the tool” starts the article’s second paragraph.
98. Navy Seals’ director is about to drink a salsa bowl.
99. Reverend Al Green deserves way, way more than ten words.
100. Maternity hospital nicknamed “The Rottenrow”. Ugly kids or colloquial meaning?
Done. I may now celebrate for 20 minutes. 900,000 words to go.