Day 250: The Big Spoiler

originally published September 6, 2012 Today is the 250th day of 2012. Today is also the day I cross a quarter-million words written this year. “Official” words, anyhow – only once have I landed square on 1000 words and not gone over. I am halfway to the halfway mark, and to the 500th-Article party I […]

Day 247: A Labor Day Quiz – Fictional Birds

originally published September 3, 2012 It’s Labor Day, the day when people around the world (or in whatever countries celebrate Labor Day) try to do the opposite of the day’s namesake by sitting on our asses for one last day before September kicks in. But some of us still have to toil away the holiday. […]

Day 237: Class Calendar – Fall, 2012

originally published August 24, 2012 With Labor Day weekend approaching and my mid-summer hangover showing signs of abating, it’s time to turn our attention to the upcoming school year. This will be my final year of post-secondary studies, unless the University discovers that the credits I claimed for Marine Biology 335: Touring With Phish are […]

Day 227: The Hasbro Conspiracy

originally published August 14, 2012 On the surface, Hasbro brings joy and smiles to hundreds of billions of people every second by giving Shortcake to our Strawberry, Action to our Figures, Ladders to our Chutes, and Head to our Mr. Potato. But underneath lies something more insidious, more… well, I don’t want to say evil, […]

Day 223: Doc Marty’s Assessment That Everyone Is Insane (Volume 1)

originally published August 10, 2012 Doc Marty here. I’m going to help you understand your emotions, connect with your feelings, spread the spicy mustard of understanding onto the rye bread of your heart, plunking upon it the pastrami of self-acceptance and allowing its greasy self-assurance to coat the inside of your soul. Let’s have a […]

Day 205: Astral Projection – Is it Real?

originally published July 23, 2012 The following is a free-verse poem I wrote about astral projection. More important than its message is the message you can only see once you’ve mastered your own cerebral air-travel. Yes, this means there is a coded communication hidden within the poem. Seek it out if you can. Astral projection. […]

Day 200: A Man Confesses To His Friend, Using Two Hundred 80s Pop Song Titles

originally published July 18, 2012 Two old friends, Peter and Ian, are having a drink in Ian’s apartment. IAN: “Peter, what’s wrong? You seem to be under pressure. Do you need one more night of magic with those West End girls, buddy?” PETER: “I’m gonna tear your playhouse down with this news, Ian. It’ll sound […]

Day 197: A Late-Night Infomercial For The Sexiest Flower Shop Ever

originally published July 15, 2012 Hey boys. Are you feeling lonely tonight? Maybe I can help. Are you single? Alone? Not sure how to get that special lady in your life to succumb to your fantasies and keep you warm at night? I know what you need. I can turn those nights from warm to […]

Day 191: Grade 5 Report – The Fraud Of Abonoteichus

originally published July 9, 2012 Back in the fifth grade I had an unreserved respect for the finest charlatans and scammers in history. This leaked its way into my scholastic efforts in the form of a presentation I gave when we were assigned by Mr. Foster to research our favorite person in Greek history. After […]

Day 190: The Craft Corner Meltdown Of 2012

originally published July 8, 2012 The following exchange took place in the tiny ‘Crafts Corner’ section of the free paper known as the Whismarck Weekly Bugle. The regular feature had been penned by Doris Haverton, owner of Basket Bonanza, since October of 1983. Last spring, because a rival basket store opened up within the Whismarck […]