Day 441: Dog-Day Middle Age

originally published March 16, 2013 Regular readers of this site – both the actual ones and the ones I make up when I tell my mother that “millions” of people read my stuff every day – know that I love dogs. I have four of my own – four bulldogs, each with their own distinctive […]

Day 414: Spelunking For Dollars

originally published February 17, 2013 If you’re a fan of the earth, so much so that you enjoy being completely ensconced in it, do I have some vacation spots for you. You see, ever since humankind moved out of caves into 4-level split duplex suburbia, we have been fascinated with returning to caves, shining lights […]

Day 407: The Last Laugh

originally published February 10, 2013 In searching for a topic laced with a bit of dark humor today, I stumbled into the concept of laughter. Specifically, deadly laughter. The laughter that starts out as a titter, escalates to a chortle, then finally evolves into an overpriced silk-lined mahogany casket. Sure, the notion of someone ‘dying […]

Day 402: The Size Of The Wand

originally published February 5, 2013 WARNING: The following article may contain sensitive verbiage, mature subject matter and an unhealthy focus on the human dink. Not the dink that raced to cut you off in traffic then slowed down to 15 below the speed limit with his blinker on as though he simply gave up hope […]

Day 383: The Salad That Eats You Back

originally published January 17, 2013 One of the easiest tropes to weave into a horror story is to make people afraid of something so innocuous and commonplace, it would be unfathomable for it ever to pose a threat. Like a motel operator who’s big into taxidermy. Or a janitor who happens to like to play […]

Day 372: The Beasts Hit The Toolshed

originally published January 6, 2013 That is a photo of my senior-ranking bulldog, Rufus. Rufus has a multitude of delightful quirks, like the unrestrained stomping of his front paws when he’s happy to see someone, or the way he conveniently eats his own vomit, saving me the need to clean up. But while I’ll proudly […]

Day 329: The Gay Animal Agenda

originally published November 24, 2012 Over the past week, a number of people have shared with me this video, in which Russell Brand speaks to (and mocks) a pair of religious zealots from the Westboro Baptist Church on his talk show. My first response was, “Russell Brand has a talk show? When the hell did […]

Day 326: The Ballad Of Humanity Dick

originally published November 21, 2012 A tale I’d never heard before I am to you impartin’ The story of an unsung dude Whose name was Richard Martin. He spoke for beasts who couldn’t speak, Gave animals a voice. In eighteenth-cent’ry Ireland that Was not an oft-heard noise. For animal rights was not a trend, A […]

Day 249: Breaking Down Sweat Without Breaking A Sweat

originally published September 5, 2012 Much like the notion of success, today’s article is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration, by which I mean beer. Well, maybe that balance is a little inaccurate, I don’t know. Is it warm in here? Perspiration, that cruel bitch of a body function that can define an embarrassing business presentation […]

Day 219: A Toast To Dead Trees

originally published August 6, 2012 Growing up, there was a majestic tree in our backyard, the biggest in the neighborhood. It taught me how to climb, and it was featured often as part of the scenery in the simulated Endor-centric lightsaber battles with my friends. But I never named the thing. There are 120 individual […]