originally published September 10, 2013

Good news, everyone! Winter isn’t here! There’s still time to get out there in the glorious sunny weather, down a few drinks and throw something in your cornhole.

Did that sound dirty? Surely there was no way I’d write 618 consecutive days’ worth of clean, family-friendly comedy appropriate for reading to your grandma and her friends on visiting day in the senior citizens’ asylum, only to choose this moment to go blue. Maybe I’m having an off-color laugh, setting up a cheap, junior-high-level gag about the ‘cornhole’ because I’m really launching into an article about corn. You know – the mouth is the cornhole because you put corn into it, and what filthy thoughts were you coming up with, you degenerate pervert?

No, I’m actually talking about cornhole. Legitimate cornhole.

The game of cornhole is nothing more than tossing a beanbag at a raised board with a hole at the far end. Native Americans of the Blackhawk tribe in Illinois (you know, the ones whose descendants won the Stanley Cup a couple months back) used to fill pig bladders with dried beans and play something very similar. No one is really sure when the modern game known as ‘cornhole’ came to be, though I’m sure it is debated fiercely in Iowa and other prominent cornholing states.

Alas, the remainder of this article has been stolen by the Cornholing Gods. Where did they abscond with this article? Probably down some dark, mysterious hole somewhere, beneath a wooden cover. The fact is, this re-construction of this site, which was only necessary due to the original host’s neglect, will be imperfect. This is unavoidable, and just a smidge tragic.

So grab your cornhole bags and toss ‘em, folks. Sure, it’s another way to say ass, but it’s also another way to say rollicking good time. And just pretend the rest of the article is here, while I quietly curse the schmuck that stirred up this mess in the first place. Dammit.

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