originally published January 20, 2012
Yesterday I wrote an article using my iPhone as a research tool, as Wikipedia’s mobile app was the only facet of its English site that I could access. I’ll come right out and say it – it wasn’t easy. In honor of Wiki’s return to form today, I’m going to ride the Random Article button like it’s a stand-up coaster. The following selection of haikus are each taken from a different article. Let’s see how many of them are based on soccer players or small towns in Poland.
Another player
Ol’ Wiki’s soccer fetish
Platypus ulcers!
Tasmanian death-fungus
Where’s the telethon?
Soccer player for Mayo
Traded to Mustard.
Hey! Dois Vizinhos!
Industry town in Brazil:
Chicken processing.
A Czech-based think-tank.
How could I get hired for one?
Under-qualified.
Royal Navy; awesome name.
“Don’t fuck with the ‘buck!”
June Clark: jazz cornet.
Managed “Sugar Ray” Leonard.
Quit jazz for boxing.
Mayor of London
Boris: The Man With The Hair
Makes Trump look quite good.
Mexican rock band
Wrote a song about the pope;
El Tri rawks the house.
Here’s Alan Haley:
Dentist and a ship-builder.
Pick a career man!
“My name is Luka,
I live on the second floor.”
Built for a haiku.
Ooh! Soccer again.
Igor tends goal; “In Soviet
Russia, goal tends you!”
Danity Kane sucks.
Reality show makes band?
Pre-fab poopy pop.
It’s a genus of sea snails,
Sounds like a disease.
German exonyms:
They call towns what they want to.
Screw you, Latvia!
Trippy sci-fi poetry.
Who buys and reads this?
Stick ‘em in a box,
They entertain for six hours.
I would watch this show!
People love fantasy books,
No dough in humor.
Sir Duke! Not that one;
This one was a British knight.
Twenty-nine kids. Geez!
Ghost Hunters, the game.
For the Amstrad CPC.
What the hell is that?
What’s an anti-joke?
“How to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.”
English band The Strawbs
Went from bluegrass to glam-rock.
That’s a lengthy trip.
A college in West Bengal.
Scant few keg parties.
Economist Irv
Claimed the market would not crash
In ’29. Whoops.
“Breathe,” the French dance song,
Called ‘deliciously silky’,
Sold some SUV’s.
I swear, that was a real guy.
No, really, it was.
Some constellations
Are no longer in real use.
Like this one, up there.
Cwmystwyth village
Should buy a vowel already.
Goddamn Welsh people.
Hildebrand, the ship,
German – survived the Great War.
Sunk 1919.
Here’s Sherpur College:
“…is one of the best college…”
They don’t teach grammar.
Jääsjärvi, the lake,
Has umlauts on all its A’s.
That’s a lot of dots.
Plays DE for Buffalo.
Likes to hurt QBs.
Meet Jill Vialet:
A social entrepreneur
Nine kinds of awesome.
Crimes with intent to cause harm,
Lewdness to murder.
Lloyd Douglas, writer,
Big star; first book at 50.
There’s hope for me yet.
North Side in Richmond:
Spacious homes, flowery parks;
I’d rather live there.
Samurai, board game,
About rice fields in Japan;
Made in Germany.
Hey, a jock named Jock!
Soccer (of course) for Scotland.
One of a zillion.
Ssaki (or Mammals):
Roman Polanski short film;
Godot on snow-sled.
Depressed? Take this pill!
Citalopram… it may cause:
Diarrhea. Worse?
Chinese college strategy.
They will conquer us.
Ayling took wickets!
I don’t understand cricket.
Likely never will.
Guy Dodson, York U.
Researched insulin’s structure,
Knew how to party.
Lebanese fast-food
Chain: Aladdin’s Eatery;
Soup and baklava!
Double-chin and a deep voice;
Brit-turned-Yank actor.
Sceloporus Merr-
iami Longipuncta-
tus: It’s a lizard.
Was a trade subsidy pact;
As dull as it sounds.
Belgian black metal!
Tetra Karcist by ‘Enthroned’!
Angry Euro-rock!
A Blake Edwards movie? No.
His dad runs Ukraine.
Haraipur village:
No pics, no stats, nothing cool.
It’s in India.
Trinidad soda!
Banana, pear and champagne;
Gotta try Cole Cold.
Another village:
Vecumnieki, Latvia.
Sounds like paradise.
Not quiet on the western front.
Allies win. Suck it.
Nineteen eighty-nine;
US Open Doubles win:
Navratilova.
Musicologist
Nowak re-wrote Requiem
Didn’t care for ‘Zep.
M. Kelly: poet;
Shut up when his wife died young.
He worked in Moose Jaw.
Kofsky was a prof,
Liked Marx, jazz, and avant-garde;
Was not part robot.
The voice of the Pooh;
Shelley was Winnie for Brits.
BBC actor.
And more soccer stars!
Arnold Kendall: Brit… winger…
Maybe part robot?
Really? The Band? Now?
They deserve a thousand words,
Not just a haiku.
Rubus, the berry,
Far-Eastern raspberries. Yum.
Numerous drupelets!
Singer from Thailand:
Must be show-biz name.
Rock Island: empty.
Nunavut – Arctic Ocean
Waste of a cool name.
Humboldt County road:
Route 2-9-4, Nevada.
Eight miles; no cool tales.
The Wiegand Effect:
Wires, loops, security cards,
Magnetize, baby!
Pismo State Beach rocks.
Sun, surf, swimming, its own clam,
What more do you need?
Maqluba – odd dish.
Rice, eggplant, chicken or lamb
It’s served upside-down.
Hey! Zombie Lover!
A book too cool to exist!
Check out the jacket:
Santos was mayor.
A ‘World Mayor’ finalist.’
What the fuck is that?
Xu Yushi, chancellor
Served in the Tang Dynasty.
Orange. Delicious.
Porn site! Supercult.
Pre-Suicide-Girls geek-porn;
“Sexy French mime” shots?
Prince Marko: Serb king
Had a light beer named for him.
More than King Ralph got.
Depew, New York state;
Sounds like a kid’s ray-gun sound.
I bet they know that.
Central Belt, Scotland.
Highest population there.
Also called ‘Midlands’.
Kwamé, hip-hopper,
Calls himself ‘K-1 Million’
Bet no one else does.
Lebanon skiing?
In ’48 Olympics!
Didn’t win a thing.
A So-Cal store chain,
Find funky food there.
Math. Morton Number.
A dimensionless number.
No clue what this means.
Delaney’s Swamp Mouse;
Can be found in Uganda;
Maybe in a swamp.
The Foreign Exchange;
Not a bank; a hip-hop group.
An honest mistake.
Why the angry lumberjack?
Crazy-ass mascot.
Polish dramedy:
“Usta Usta” – sounds like fun.
I’m finally done!
1000 Words, 1000 Days 