Day 560: Pay No Attention To The White Conservative Behind The Curtain…

originally published July 13, 2013 I’ve never been one to buy in completely to a juicy conspiracy theory. I’ve listened to Jesse Ventura rant passionately and succinctly on Howard Stern’s satellite radio show about how the World Trade Center towers’ collapse on 9/11 was clearly the result of a vast government plot. I have watched […]

Day 554: Who Holds The Most Pretend Money?

originally published July 7, 2013 Some lucky soul (or souls) claimed the Lotto Max on Friday night, the Canada-wide lottery that often stretches its jackpot to $50 million. This was one of those big-money draws, and I was denied the prize once again, for the silly inconsequential reason that I didn’t buy a ticket. Who […]

Day 552: Her?

originally published July 5, 2013 This is, of course, the day after the day when Americans join together, partisan strangleholds aside, and revel in their love for their country and mutual enthrallment at watching things explode in the sky. And why shouldn’t they? America is a pretty fantastic concept, and despite some sloppy execution it […]

Day 549: Clearing Up The Bullcrap About You

originally published July 2, 2013 Ah, the morning after a long weekend. For Canadians, this means today – Americans get another week, and because the calendar is kind to them this year, an extra day of celebration. But make no mistake – that cold, cruel morning will come a-knocking, its disproportionate shadow darkening your mood, […]

Day 528: Fully Mooned Fever

originally published June 11, 2013 In the wild, the act of exposing one’s hindquarters to another of one’s species is generally looked upon as an act of sexual submission, an invitation to taxi down the ol’ carnal runway, cross-check for predators in the bushes, then take flight in a wild spree of jungle-humping like the […]

Day 521: The Only Sign Language Most Of Us Know

originally published June 4, 2013 Astute readers of this site may have noticed that I often bring up traffic as the most basic example of the deplorable current nature of humanity. I say this living in Edmonton, a city that theoretically has a ‘rush-hour’ that would make most big-city residents chuckle as they would upon […]

Day 520: Bohemian Grove – Where It All Goes Down

originally published June 3, 2013 Chances are, you have probably sat across the table from someone who has tried to point out all the little goings-on on a dollar bill, tying it to the Illuminati, the Freemasons, Fox News, or Menudo – one of those secret organizations that is most likely controlling every snippet of […]

Day 511: The Un-Shut-Uppable Streisand Effect

originally published May 25, 2013 Earlier this week, I wrote a piece on the historical tradition of censorship in the city of Boston. If you don’t feel like following the link and adding an extra two thousand words to your reading plate, I’ll catch you up. Due to its Puritan background and molasses-slow crawl from its beginnings […]

Day 507: Saving The Souls Of All Bostonians

originally published May 21, 2013 I’ve never been one to target the masses with swift aplomb and savvy scribing. Possibly because I still use expressions like ‘swift aplomb’ – the masses aren’t really into that. But had fate plunked me down in a simpler, less outspoken, less internet-y time, I would have known the secret […]

Day 504: Slappin’ A Big Ol’ Wet One On The Page

originally published May 18, 2013 Rather than compose an elegant piece of lyrical prose about the subject of kissing, I think I’ll just rattle off a bunch of trivia using my old trusty friend, the bullet-point list. Is it laziness? Sleepiness? An unanticipated delay in the drugs taking effect? Maybe a little of all three, […]