Day 365: The Ghosts Of Disney Past

originally published December 30, 2012 Eleven years ago today, I was in Disneyland. I found I had just as much fun as a 27-year-old with two kids as I’d had when I was six, despite now knowing the true cost of a Churro on the grounds (I think it was something like $45).Yesterday I unearthed […]

Day 358: …For The Rest Of Us

originally published December 23, 2012 I spent the greater part of today wading through gape-mouthed lemmings and waiting semi-patiently in irrationally slow lines to buy a $7 candle that smells more like bug spray than the candy canes depicted on its exterior. I stood there hoping I could remember where amid the blizzard outside I’d […]

Day 356: There She Is… Miss Universe

originally published December 21, 2012 As I’m sure most of you are aware – my audience is comprised heavily of pageant aficionados – the Miss Universe 2012 pageant took place Wednesday night at the Planet Hollywood resort in Las Vegas. The winner was the lovely Olivia Culpo from Cranston, Rhode Island. I’m optimistic that she […]

Day 350: Buddhist Vices & Other Fun Distractions From Enlightenment

originally published December 15, 2012 As a professional societal critic (remember, I got paid in beer once; that counts), I am always happy to help my fellow humans to realize what specifically is wrong with them. When today’s Wiki-cube plunked onto the category of Vices, I was intrigued. I know a thing or two about […]

Day 345: Eponymation, Part I

originally published December 10, 2012 The great thing about eponyms is that some of them are a complete surprise. An eponym can work its way into our collective vocabulary so smoothly, we forget that the thing in question was named after somebody. And while it’s not a long drive from common knowledge to the fact […]

Day 344: That’s MISTER Cat To You

Meet Larry. Larry holds a very important government position. Indeed, after nearly four and a half years of faithful government service, I have yet to achieve the respect and admiration Larry was shown on his first day in office. For you see, Larry was hired as the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, the highest […]

Day 332: Star-Stricken – The Perils Of Celebrity Worship Syndrome

originally published November 27, 2012 Have you ever had one of those moments where you look at the state of our pop culture and think… where did it all go wrong? Why do so many people care if Jennifer Anniston ever has a baby? When was the last time I was at a grocery store […]

Day 321: Baby-Poppin’ For The Geriatric Set

originally published November 16, 2012 Most experts would agree that the true joy in giving birth is being a guy so that you don’t have to give up drinking for nine months, nor must you experience the agony of childbirth. Speaking as a guy (and on behalf of all guys everywhere, since there’s no one […]

Day 301: For The Benefit Of Pablo Fanque!

originally published October 27, 2012 There was a time, long ago, when going to the circus meant more than eating questionable food from even questionabler vendors. More than cultivating the fertile ground of potential nightmares with the acts of deranged clowns, swallowing up the air around them and coughing them back out in maniacal, psychologically […]

Day 260: The Devil Went Down And Pretended To Invade Georgia

originally published September 16, 2012 Studies have shown (and no, I won’t be linking to these studies or adding a footnote, mostly because I’m just making this up) that a disproportionate number of North Americans get their news primarily from either The Daily Show, the “Weekend Update” segments on Saturday Night Live, or the monologues […]