Day 121: The First American Murder

originally published April 30, 2012 It is a source of great pride to many Americans that they can trace their ancestry back to the historic voyage by the Mayflower, the ship that first brought white settlers to the shores of America in hopes of establishing a bold new nation, and scout out the best locations […]

Day 120: The Bog Turtle, As Taught By A Biology Teacher Who Recently Learned That His Girlfriend Has Been Cheating On Him

originally published April 29, 2012 Everybody here? No? I don’t care, we’re starting this lecture. Today we’re talking about the bog turtle. On our field trip to the Bronx Zoo last week we saw these little things, remember? Remember those little bastards just sitting beside those stupid little rocks like they didn’t have a care […]

Day 119: He Fought The Law, But Who Won?

originally published April 28, 2012 My fingers spent a good five minutes dangling above my keyboard before beginning this article. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure there’s enough story here to make a story. This isn’t the tale of a music legend, or an American folk hero. It’s just about a guy who started […]

Day 118: Words Coined In The 00’s (That Don’t End In -izzle)

originally published April 27, 2012 There’s something about a new word. A word is special when it’s fresh, new, and somersaulting off the lips of people with the fever of new-found meaning. Years ago I coined the contraction “besn’t”, as a shorter form of telling my kids they’d best not do something (“You besn’t light […]

Day 117: Bad Bad Eroy Brown

originally published April 26, 2012 Today’s is a story about corruption, murder, cover-up and conspiracy. Ms. Wiki locked me in solitary with Ellis Unit, a high-security prison that served as a Death Row facility from its opening in 1965 until 1999. One tiny paragraph caught my eye enough to actually do some non-Wikipedian research for […]

Day 116: Charles Wants To Be In Charge

originally published April 25, 2012 This is Charlie. Charlie is not having a good year. Charlie used to be the king of Austria-Hungary, up until the end of WWI. In 1918 he relinquished his right to take part in the affairs of state in Hungary, then took off to Switzerland. By 1920 Hungary was a […]

Day 115: Encyclopedia Brown And The Case Of The Magic Berry Pills

originally published April 24, 2012 If only the secrets of eternal health and karmic balance could be obtained in a single pill. Well, look no further than your local random internet page’s pop-up ad or splashy banner. Not only does that magical pill exist, but you can try it for FREE! That’s right, a limited-time, […]

Day 114: CandyShock

originally published April 23, 2012 Sometimes controversy is a good idea. A racy ad gets people talking, a scandalous drunken escapade can bring a ton of publicity. Sometimes you can beat up your girlfriend and people will still buy your music and treat you like something other than the piece of human garbage everyone knows […]

Day 113: The Rogue Ale Experiment

originally published April 22, 2012 Today’s article is brought to you by the good people at the Rogue brewery. Today, as I write this, I am sampling their “Voodoo Doughnut” product, a bacon maple ale. That’s right, I like a little bacon flavor in my beer. Those of you who read my love letter to […]

Day 112: Witches & Titans – The Staff At U-VA

originally published April 21, 2012 In lieu of doing factual research on a topic – school just ended, and I feel like giving my brain a rest – I will instead be presenting blatant, unchecked opinions. Those are always so much more fun than facts anyway. Ms. Wiki assigned today’s article to the University of […]