Day 181: Hollywood Forever – A Wretched Hive Of Scum & Villainy

originally published June 29, 2012 Continuing on with this week’s somewhat disconcerting fascination with death (death of people in 1871, death of restaurant franchises, death of our cultural morality thanks to Bob Log III, etc), I will once again be lowering the black tartan of the inevitable over today’s kilograph. I swear, it’s all a […]

Day 180: A Tribute To Those Slingers Of Grub Who Are No More

originally published June 28, 2012 If it weren’t for restaurant chains, I’d have almost no place to eat in this city. Edmonton is packed to its big-box-store borders with Gardens of Olive, Lobsters of Redness, and whatever the hell wordplay you can make with Chili’s. Don’t get me wrong – every chain has its specialties, […]

Day 179: Reverend Marty’s Sermon On The Unholy Evils Of Bob Log III

originally published June 27, 2012 Ladies and gentlemen of the congregation, please be seated. I am here to talk to you today about your children. About what your children are listening to. Are you aware that right now, at this very moment, your young, precious angels may be under the spell of the blasphemous infestation […]

Day 178: Four People Who Are Dead

originally published June 26, 2012 Today’s article is about death. It’s not that I’m feeling especially morbid today, I just find it interesting that the people who died in the 1800s stand a better chance of having an article-worthy death (or sometimes life) story than people who have died since. Take James Holt Clanton, for […]

Day 177: Congratulations! You Have Discovered The Bonus Track!

originally published June 25, 2012 Today’s helpful article from the trusty e-quill of Mr. Handy serves to remind you that your music collection may in fact be larger than you think. Your favorite album may contain a hidden track, concealed from the general public by its omission from the album’s packaging, and designed to incite […]

Day 176: Outside August

originally published June 24, 2012 I love art. Not only does art enrich one’s soul and expand the boundaries of one’s imagination, it’s also a terrific way to look at boobs without the stigma of internet pornography. And of course, second to boob art is the fantastic realm of work by visionaries such as August […]

Day 175: An Uppercut To My Youth

originally published June 23, 2012 This will come a shock to those who know me well: I was never really much of a fighter. I know, my physique has been compared to a young-ish Raymond Burr (he was an athlete of some kind, right?), yet I still never got into a lot of fights. That […]

Day 174: –censored–

originally published June 22, 2012 As a purveyor of bacon-related humor and often tasteless gags, I find it somewhat unethical to write about somebody else’s comedy. But while the heart of today’s topic is truly a piece of modern fundamental comedy gospel, there’s much more to examine than the seven words which make up its […]

Day 173: So It Turns Out Nothing Is Real

originally published June 21, 2012 It’s time to strap on your thinking bong and start imaginating. What if our world isn’t real? What if nothing we see, taste, fondle, bend, mutilate, or masturbate to exists in the physical world? What if there is no physical world? Do I still have to pay my insurance premiums? […]

Day 172: The Foretold Doom Of The Chicago Cubs

originally published June 20, 2012 I’m going to stand up and walk three times around my chair before I write this article, for fear I’ll fall into a slump and won’t find a way to link my daily topics to bacon for months on end. Whew! As the above image of bacon-and-lobster-stuffed deviled eggs will […]