Day 951: King Joffrey Was A Pussy

originally published August 8, 2014 I just got through reading a Wikipedia article so poorly written and peppered with so many near-identical names my brain sneezed in agony. But at its heart was a narrative so foul and villainous, I feel it deserves a translation into mostly-coherent English. Seriously, most of the names in this […]

Day 950: Washington’s One-Off Moment Of Calm

originally published August 7, 2014 The 1810’s were a weird time in American history. The capital city burned to the ground, the country was poised to split in half (an east-west rift, not the north-south one that would roll in a half-century later), and it all culminated in a segment of time so groovy it […]

Day 949: Rumble In the Laotian Jungle

originally published August 6, 2014 The air was as thick as a steak and almost as full of blood. Lieutenant, Junior Grade Dieter Dengler stared at each of his fellow P.O.W.s and wondered which of them would be up for the escape. There were three men from Thailand, one Chinese man, and an American “kicker” […]

Day 948: Tales From The Crapper

originally published August 5, 2014 This morning I am balanced upon rickety stilts at a creative crossroads. Do I unfold a tale of Vietnam War bravery and the enduring flame of the unsnuffable human spirit? Or do I write about toilets? Those who know me are aware of my unflinching love of a powerful narrative. […]

Day 947: The Vampire Of Sacramento

originally published August 4, 2014 Every so often I like to illuminate the pages of this online repository of phact and phantasy with a story so luminous I can practically hear the creak of my readers’ perfunctory grins as their hearts glow from toasty delight. This is not one of those days. Today’s kilograph is […]

Day 946: The Unfillable Stomach Of Charles Domery

originally published August 3, 2014 Thankfully for us disciples of feckless fact and impractical information, the human body does not always cater to the limits of logic and science. We can always gawk upon the fortunate – or unfortunate – whose innards form their own rules, leaving their mark in the lore once mined by […]

Day 945: These Scary-Ass Kids Today

originally published August 2, 2014 Brazenly cutting through the city’s shadows with a cocksure strut, hocking Mountain Dew-flavored loogies onto public sidewalks already stained with the scuffed memory of generations of overpriced footwear. Their pants sag lower than their wilted ambition, their ball caps are aimed in all directions except those most appropriate for playing […]

Day 944: Eight Obsolete Jobs That Are Worse Than Yours

originally published August 1, 2014 More so than usual, lately I have been seriously reconsidering my vocation. Not this writing gig; despite the meagre pay and sparsity of days off (so far, zero), I adore absorbing airborne globs of trivia then regurgitating them here for you, like a mama-bird spewing sports facts into her babies’ […]

Day 943: Rolling Through The Revolting – Worst Films Part 8

originally published July 31, 2014 It can never be said that I do not sacrifice for my art. Just as my eyes have been manhandled by Manos: The Hands Of Fate, and later subjected to the probing fright of Deep Throat, I have once again endured one of cinema’s most masterful clusters of unmitigated celluloid […]

Day 942: The Hounds Of Golden Gate City

originally published July 30, 2014 Clambering through the sticky alluvium of a daily paper can be a chore. Death, hate, disaster, and the ricochets of the eternal accusatory politic create the illusion of an incurably cacophonic world. I understand – the precipice of doom is a great slab of real estate if you want to […]