Day 331: Keeping Up With The Muddled Past Of Idioms

originally published November 26, 2012 Almost 300 days ago, on a day so distant from the present I can only picture it in sepiatone with crowds rushing about in an undercranked frenzy, their dialog showing up in intertitle cards, I wrote a graduation speech that made use of 150 idioms. When I stumbled onto one […]

Day 330: Superfans!

originally published November 25, 2012 It’s Grey Cup Sunday. For me, this means I’ll perform my traditional fall Sunday tradition of watching NFL games all day, then maybe check the internet tonight to see who won the Canadian Football League championship. But for millions of others across this great nation, it’s time to paint oneself […]

Day 329: The Gay Animal Agenda

originally published November 24, 2012 Over the past week, a number of people have shared with me this video, in which Russell Brand speaks to (and mocks) a pair of religious zealots from the Westboro Baptist Church on his talk show. My first response was, “Russell Brand has a talk show? When the hell did […]

Day 328: The Fleet Painter

originally published November 23, 2012 The scene: Aboard the deck of the Dutch flagship, the Lowestoft. It is 1666, May 31, the evening before the start of the Four Days Battle between the English and the Dutch. The characters are four notable Dutch painters: Willem van de Velde the Elder, his son (Willem van de […]

Day 327: A Thanksgiving Quiz – Fictional Sidekicks

originally published November 22, 2012 Ah, the bittersweet dawn of a Yankee Thanksgiving. Bitter because up here in the frozen tundra, it’s just another work-day. Sweet because tradition insists upon a trio of mid-week football games for me to enjoy. Bitter because I’ll be lucky to squeeze a few glances at the scores from my […]

Day 326: The Ballad Of Humanity Dick

originally published November 21, 2012 A tale I’d never heard before I am to you impartin’ The story of an unsung dude Whose name was Richard Martin. He spoke for beasts who couldn’t speak, Gave animals a voice. In eighteenth-cent’ry Ireland that Was not an oft-heard noise. For animal rights was not a trend, A […]

Day 325: The New Magnificent Seven

originally published November 20, 2012 What is the eighth wonder of the world? For years, people have been slapping that label on all sorts of things, from the Houston Astrodome to the Empire State Building to West Edmonton Mall (up until recently, the Mall contained three McDonaldses! How magnificent!). That’s an argument I’ll shelve for […]

Day 324: IPLA2WN!

originally published November 19, 2012 When I was a kid, on those glorious mornings when something – a cold, a flu, that time I walked up to the makeup counter at the Bay and ate all their lipstick – would keep me home from school, I loved to watch game shows. There was something about […]

Day 323: Snowclones Are The New Black

originally published November 18, 2012 With a name that sounds either like a horrific northern ocean storm or a delicious frozen treat, a snowclone is actually a snippet of language that we make use of all the time. Perhaps too often. As a writer, I try to be mindful of avoiding clichés. It’s almost impossible […]

Day 322: The Angel Of Warsaw

originally published November 17, 2012 This site’s reputation has been built on a reputation of hard-cutting satire, edgy intellectual comedy, and a complete lack of awareness about what this site’s reputation has been built upon. But sometimes we have to check our laughs at the door and have the cajones to stand up and start […]