Day 471: The Millar Will & The Heaps Of Sex It Instigated

originally published April 15, 2013 Those of us in the comedy writing game are always looking for a new medium through which we can impart our twisted view to the world, in hopes someone will laugh, maybe give us some kind of response, and perhaps even validate what we have gathered to be an otherwise […]

Day 470: Coke – The Real Thing. Except When It’s Not.

originally published April 14, 2013 There comes a moment in every parent’s experience when they need to sit down with their kids, and have a solemn and serious discussion about one of the great psychological scars across the puffy face of our entitled western culture. The moment when one of our corporate institutions, one of […]

Day 469: This Article Comes In A Pretty Blue Box

originally published April 13, 2013 In the last week I have written about baseball, golf and birds – three topics that my wife finds either tedious or filthy, loathsome and verminous (she really hates golf). Since she comprises the complete demographic of my most devoted audience, I’m thinking I need to make it up to […]

Day 468: The Rad Fads For The Soon-To-Be Grads

originally published April 12, 2013 Today I’m writing with a tiny lead weight tugging at my ventricles, that slight but heavy feeling of a closing chapter. I have spent the last three years getting caught up on my Bachelor’s degree, and today I attend my final classes before getting plunked back into the real world […]

Day 467: The Birds Are The Words

originally published April 11, 2013 I’d like to dedicate today’s article to my lovely wife, whose hatred of birds has spanned most of her life, and will no doubt follow her to her grave. It didn’t help when a filthy raven tumbled through the sunroof of her Mini Cooper while she was waiting at a […]

Day 466: Three Jesuses & Two Sizzled Monkeys

originally published April 10, 2013 When confronted with a patient exhibiting severe symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia, most doctors look to a lengthy, detailed treatment procedure in hopes of finding a way for the patient to remain integrated within society while effectively managing his condition. Other doctors simply look for a way to mess with the […]

Day 465: It’s Masters Week!

originally published April 9, 2013 “You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies fuck.” Okay, so maybe George Carlin – a noted loather of the game – was exaggerating a little. I have spent enough time watching both activities to confidently assert that the two are totally unrelated. Flies can complete the act […]

Day 464: Electro-Blasto Man

originally published April 8, 2013 All of us have had jobs we’ve hated. I’ve spent time as a lowly grunt in a meat packing plant (a dreadful six hours of my life), I’ve talked innocent consumers into devoting entire hours of their lives to a lengthy, wholly uninteresting telephone survey of their recent purchases, and […]

Day 463: Voting For Top Dog

originally published April 7, 2013 It’s time that we, as a nation, ask not what our country can do for us, but what our pets can do for our country. This might be the perfect solution for you. Maybe you really want to get involved in politics, but you don’t want to put a dent […]

Day 462: Spring’s Here – Play Ball!

originally published April 6, 2013 As I solemnly watch another four or so inches settle onto the arctic heaps of April snow here in Edmonton, I turn my attention to the 30 Major League Baseball stadiums who are fully operational, and fully immersed in what the rest of the civilized world refers to as “spring”. […]