Day 701: Drunken Orgies & Monkeys With Sweater-Vests – December Holidays

originally published December 1, 2013 It’s that time of the year once again when we flip over that last wobbly sheet of our wall calendar and marvel at the… oh. It’s a winter scene. Why does every location-based wall calendar feel the need to stick a snowy representation of their subject on the December page? […]

Day 700: What The Hell Drugs Did I Take? – A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Story

originally published November 30, 2013 When that girl at the party slipped you a tablet of something she described as “kind of like E”, you simply went with it. After all, you’re young, you work out, and that bacon-laced poutine you ate for dinner should keep anything you ingest in check, right? Except that you […]

Day 699: Fumbling The F**ked Up – Worst TV Part 6

originally published November 29, 2013 My American readers are no doubt burping through the last of their tryptophan intake from last night, or else slipping on their spiked cleats so they can better trample over their fellow Walmart shoppers in search of the Greatest Deal Ever. My Canadian readers are scowling in their cubicles, wondering […]

Day 698: The Gnarly Green Road, Part 2

originally published November 28, 2013 When we last left our heroes (our heroes being those plucky little cannabis plants that were allegedly tugging at the tablecloth upon which the fine china of our fragile society was laid), things weren’t looking good. It was 1937, and the American government had come up with a complicated taxation-punishment […]

Day 697: The Gnarly Green Road, Part 1

originally published November 27, 2013 Children, pull up a spot o’ rug and pass the old man his USS Enterprise-shaped bong. I’d like to tell you a tale of corruption and weirdness, of cruel and unusual punishment and a nation that has only recently begun to peel back the charred scab of failed policy and […]

Day 696: Here Is Ceres

originally published November 26, 2013 If you haven’t read the article or seen the t-shirt, you’re probably nevertheless aware that our ninth planet, Pluto, was demoted in 2006 to the meager status of dwarf planet, a lower classification that for whatever reason enraged pockets of the populace. I suspect a chunk of that outrage had […]

Day 695: Would The Real Dmitri Please Stand Up?

originally published November 25, 2013 It takes a curious glimmer of morning sun to inspire me to bitch-slap my daily tithe with the walloping sting of some Russian history. But a wonky story is a wonky story, and one of the most bat-crappingly wonktastic periods in the crazy history of the Russian Empire is the […]

Day 694: The Grizzly End Of Pretty Boy Floyd

originally published November 24, 2013 Charles “Pretty Boy” Floyd was fortunate to have chosen the life of a bank robber back when media-hyped crooks still had the ability to turn into folk heroes. He earned his nickname not from hubris but from a colorful post-robbery description to the police by the victim. And he hated […]

Day 693: Mr. Nobody’s Foggy Past

originally published November 23, 2013 Have you ever had one of those days when you simply wanted to disappear? Okay, we’ve all had those days, often tucked into the cruel early hours of a Monday. But how deep have your fingers dug into the sand of this notion? Have you contemplated where you’d relocate? Pieced […]

Day 692: The Saints Go Blessing In

originally published November 22, 2013 Having not been raised as a Catholic, I understand very little about the intricacies of the faith and how it differentiates itself from the standard one-size-fits-all Christianity, which I also understand very little about. All the more reason I should probably forego an article about Catholic sainthood and write another […]