Day 721: Skymall Gift Ideas For The Tardy

originally published December 21, 2013 We are rapidly approaching the glorious end of the Christmas shop-fest, that time of year when we pour too much of our paycheck into gifts people generally don’t need but are too polite to turn down. Unfortunately, these are the grisly days when you might find yourself on the receiving […]

Day 720: Appetitus Infinitum

originally published December 20, 2013 Every so often I come across a topic so bereft of logic and reason, so astoundingly zapped with surrealism and unfathomable strangeness, I feel I may as well be writing a piece of fiction. And while any tall tale from the eighteenth century is certainly subject to hyperbole and the […]

Day 719: The Nine Titans Of Little Rock

originally published December 19, 2013 Every so often I like to remind my readers that we used to live in a world that was, by all modern standards of logic and sanity, ridiculous. Perhaps it’s my subversive way of suggesting that some of the issues we face today will be looked upon as ludicrous and/or […]

Day 718: Ball-Busting Horror Stories From The Sperm Bank Vaults

originally published December 18, 2013 As one who has followed the somewhat boring and traditional path in raising a family, I admire those who carve their own onramp to the domestic highway, so long as they do so with the passion and commitment of quality parentage. Single mom? Single dad? Two moms? Two dads? Seven […]

Day 717: The Dope On Dope (And The Dopes Who Dope On Dope)

originally published December 17, 2013 We here at 1000-Word Industries would never advocate the use of illegal drugs as a recreational pastime. We all know that marijuana is the gateway drug that leads 97.4% of its users to harder drugs like bath salts and ostrich-adrenaline. It has been well documented that so-called “magic” mushrooms are […]

Day 716: Football With A Future – The 1920 Teams

originally published December 16, 2013 As football fans, we can all feel the hot breath of impending playoffs breathing upon our collective neck, as tonight two more teams – the Detroit Lions and Baltimore Ravens – struggle to overcome their mid-season screw-ups for the opportunity to suit up in January. I’ll spare everyone my predictions […]

Day 715: When Cars Were Fun – The John DeLorean Story

originally published December 15, 2013 For many of us, shopping for a new car is a tedious and uninspiring chore. Sure, the end result is gratifying and fun (and damn expensive), but unless you’re in the market for a high-end speed machine or something with a gold-plated mini-bar and an anti-pursuit oil-slick hidden in the […]

Day 714: The Great & Noble 42

originally published December 14, 2013 Mr. Foster, my fifth grade teacher, was the most feared educator at Laurier Heights Elementary/Jr. High school. He had a surly demeanor, a purposeful beard, and an affinity for Slim Whitman yodelling records: a sure sign of mental instability. He was also known for breaking wooden meter sticks in fits […]

Day 713: A Rat In Their Midst

originally published December 13, 2013 Sometime around 10:00 or 10:30 on the morning of Friday, August 4, 1944, a German officer named Karl Silberbauer showed up at the doorstep of Prinsengracht 263 in Amsterdam, accompanied by a handful of plain-clothes Dutch policemen. The visit was anything but social. A few minutes later they were marching […]

Day 712: Big Bucks… No Whammy… Ever!

originally published December 12, 2013 As a child raised within the warm glowing bosom of television, coming down with a cold had its advantages. A day off meant I’d have access to those glorious programs with the flickering lights, sonorous bells and adrenaline-drenched, screaming contestants. The game shows. Sale of the Century. Card Sharks. The […]