Day 831: France’s West Wing – Saint Pierre & Miquelon

originally published April 10, 2014 If I were to ask you how far away France was located from Canada, the well-travelled among you might answer 3000 miles. The hopelessly cheesy among you might answer “only as far away as my lover’s eyes.” And those among you who value accuracy and specificity would come up with […]

Day 830: Welcome To Liberal, Missouri – Leave Your God At The Door

originally published April 9, 2014 For those who dance the steps of atheism, agnosticism, Jediism and so on, this world has always been a precarious place. It seems odd that one person’s lack of belief in an established monotheistic principle – even if that person is an otherwise caring, giving, deep-down good dude – can […]

Day 829: Gropecunt Lane – It’s Exactly What It Sounds Like

originally published April 8, 2014 Back in the Middle Ages, when skinning your knee or being coughed on by your neighbor could kill you, there was neither the time nor the inclination for subtlety. This was true particularly when it came to town topography. Streets were often named for the economic activity that took place […]

Day 828: The Elaborate Conspiracy Behind Laundry Symbols

originally published April 7, 2014 As part of my public service hours after my arrest last weekend at that Costco restaurant for soaking my elbows in the relish bins (and in my defense, I have dry skin and that relish is incredibly soothing), I want to talk a little bit about laundry. Most of us […]

Day 827: Riding The Double Helix To Sweet Freedom

originally published April 6, 2014 It’s almost a little frightening how far we have progressed over the past 30 years. And I’m not just talking about the rampant availability of online pornography or that I can watch any episode of Quantum Leap at a moment’s notice (should the need arise); the mid-80’s world of forensic […]

Day 826: I’m Living It

originally published April 5, 2014 As we clamber into another springtime, the romantics fluttering their tootsies at the prospect of potential prospects while we loathers of the eternal snow pray for sanctuary from the dreary grey, it’s time to get away from talking about the weather and back to what matters: bitching about society. It […]

Day 825: Meet The New You

originally published April 4, 2014 This might sound stupid – and I realize now as I plot out the journey of the remainder of this sentence that it does indeed sound fundamentally stupid down to the core of its clanging consonants – but I’ve always perceived a palpable thrill attached to the concept of the […]

Day 824: Lights… Camera… Stink!

originally published April 3, 2014 Imagine if you will the scent of Scent Of A Woman. The stink of Mel Brooks’ Life Stinks. The sweet smell of The Sweet Smell of Success. With so many leaps in the technologies of CGI to improve a film’s look and the constant reinvention of pristine Dolby sound, it […]

Day 823: Trolling The Trough-Crusties – Worst TV Part 7

originally published April 2, 2014 Posting a list of bests and greatests opens the door to debate, dissent, and the occasional inter-cubicle pelting of office supplies. Posting a list of worsts never seems to stoke the same ire. I have offered a tankard of derision for the insipidly successful sitcom According To Jim throughout my […]

Day 822: Pitying The Fools

originally published April 1, 2014 My wife hates April Fools’ Day. She has a legitimate reason, stemming from the scar-worthy childhood trauma of watching one of her friends get April-Fooled into a lengthy scavenger hunt for a brand new puppy by his parents, only to discover the final prize was nothing but a prank. Were […]